Pregnancy is a joyful time, right? It’s also incredibly terrifying.
I am overwrought at the thought of labor. It is the exciting climax of this wearisome journey, but it’s coupled with the worst pain that I will ever experience.
Panic-stricken sums up the way I feel most nights when I am about to fall asleep. Visions of severe contractions, episiotomies, mean doctors and nurses, violent, bloody, beyond excruciating pain, not to mention the looming fear of being forced to have a C-Section. Oi ve.
I know that the movies do not accurately portray labor, and the one hundred births I’ve watched through documentaries leave me swollen with joy, tears streaming down my cheeks, under the impression that this is the most elite and beautiful experience that any person can have the pleasure of pushing through. But sights of being purple faced, breaking my husbands fingers, and screaming my head off still haunt my thoughts.
I am petrified of becoming a fat lard.
Clearly you gain weight while you are pregnant, of that I am well aware. However, I am breathless at the thought of becoming so large that I waddle around the house searching for my cat only to find that my butt crack has swallowed him when I last sat down on the couch. Or more realistically, I am afraid of becoming unrecognizable, being so large that even my nose is fat.
Beyond my vanity, I am terrified that my weight will become so much that I’ll do damage to myself or baby. THAT is what petrifies me far more than getting cellulite and stretch marks.
I am scared that I will be a terrible parent. My parents were not the worst by any means, but I will certainly do a lot of things differently. However, I am afraid that that will not work either, and I’ll be the worst mother ever in history.
I am scared that my marriage will be negatively affected by baby. I am not naive to the fact that things will be different, but I am afraid that I will not be able to handle being both a mom and a wife.
These are only a few fears I have, I’m sure that some will fade while others linger.
What have been some of your fears? What has been your realities?