Goodbye Regrets and Frets

Daydreaming resonates within my core. I was always the kid in class who stared off into space, completely oblivious to what anyone was saying or doing. Thinking about what I would be if I had the courage, what I would do, who I would do it with, and the places we would see while we were at it.

Learning Spanish on Castillian coasts while eating croquettes and gazpacho.

Painting the frosted Rocky Mountains after spending the morning skiing down smooth slopes.

Putting on a satin white dress and preparing to walk down an aisle to a faceless man.

All things that I would meditate on while I trudged through high school. It wasn’t until I  became an adult that I realized I wasted so much time daydreaming to escape years of pain that were caked onto my soul. After making this grand realization, regret fell on me so hard and usually as I was trying to go to sleep at night. Regrets of not what I did, but what I didn’t do.

I have spent so much time fretting over the last 10 to 15 years, wishing that I could somehow go back in time and re-do everything, mulling over in my mind what I would do differently to somehow fix myself.

After having my sweet daughter, joy leaked from my heart so much that it has taken over my mind and soul, and I have resolved to just stop. To just stop wishing I could somehow go back and do things that I wish I would have done. I have to because it will rob me of this incredible present that I have been given. My present is such an amazing gift, and ten years from now, I do not want to look back on this time and regret not doing something.

So with this in mind, I have decided to tell my fears to back off. I have embraced a new boldness that has been hibernating within me for God knows how long. I have decided to do things that I will have wished I would have done ten years from now.

I know that God determines my steps no matter what, but He did give me the ability to reason and the freedom to make choices, so choosing to do things that I wouldn’t normally do, within moral bounds of course, I shall do.

Excitement and anticipation swell in my heart as this renewed sense of joy overwhelms my spirits. I am ready to say goodbye to my regrets and frets and hello to a bright future.

8 Months!

Velbs,

You made it to month 8! You’re closer to being a one year old than you are to being a newborn. I am completely amazed by how beautifully and quickly you have grown. Your personality comes out more daily.

You are fairly outgoing, always quick to smile at new people. You wave hello, give high fives, and have an arsenal of different laughs ready to pull out at any given moment. You are always very interested in new babies.

You are in size 3 diapers, wear 6-9 month onesies, 9-12 month pants, and still no shoes. You’re just not a fan of them, like your mama. You probably weigh around 17 lbs. and I haven’t measured your height this month, but you go to the Dr. next month so we can just wait until then.

To this date, you can sit very well, you can stand when supported, you roll around the floor like a log, but you can almost crawl so that will probably be your next mode of transportation. You pull up on things and say “mama” and “dada” as well as this kind of “hey/hi” greeting phrase.

You eat fruits, veggies, cereals, and as of today, cottage cheese. I haven’t given you any meat yet, and honestly I am in no rush to. I eat meat only a few times a week, and besides, you don’t even have teeth yet so it doesn’t make sense for you to eat meat any ways. Speaking of teeth, I’m glad you don’t have any yet because you’ve recently started doing the biting thing when you nurse which is quite uncomfortable with just your little gummies.

Spring is almost here in our mountains, in fact we’ve had a few moderately warm days which means we’ve been to your favorite place, the outdoors! You love going for walks/runs, swinging in the baby swings at the park, playing the grass, and mommy loves it too. You especially love the wind kissing those juicy cheeks while I run. You don’t know I can see you, but I love to look down to see you raising your hands, snarling that nose, and grinning while your hair blows wildly in the breeze.

Your Likes:

Being outside

Daddy’s goatee

When daddy comes home from work

Bath time

Gus the cat

Books, this really excites me by the way

Seeing your grandparents and uncles

Watching mommy dance

Dislikes

Your carseat

Afternoon naps

Sometimes getting your diaper changed

Some veggies

Having something taken away before you have properly examined it

My dear sweet child, you are a complete and utter joy, and I relish every moment I have watching you develop. I am so glad that you are here, and I am so glad that I am your mommy. You could line up all the baby girls in the world, and I would infinitely choose you. Stay bright and full joy!