Daydreaming resonates within my core. I was always the kid in class who stared off into space, completely oblivious to what anyone was saying or doing. Thinking about what I would be if I had the courage, what I would do, who I would do it with, and the places we would see while we were at it.
Learning Spanish on Castillian coasts while eating croquettes and gazpacho.
Painting the frosted Rocky Mountains after spending the morning skiing down smooth slopes.
Putting on a satin white dress and preparing to walk down an aisle to a faceless man.
All things that I would meditate on while I trudged through high school. It wasn’t until I became an adult that I realized I wasted so much time daydreaming to escape years of pain that were caked onto my soul. After making this grand realization, regret fell on me so hard and usually as I was trying to go to sleep at night. Regrets of not what I did, but what I didn’t do.
I have spent so much time fretting over the last 10 to 15 years, wishing that I could somehow go back in time and re-do everything, mulling over in my mind what I would do differently to somehow fix myself.
After having my sweet daughter, joy leaked from my heart so much that it has taken over my mind and soul, and I have resolved to just stop. To just stop wishing I could somehow go back and do things that I wish I would have done. I have to because it will rob me of this incredible present that I have been given. My present is such an amazing gift, and ten years from now, I do not want to look back on this time and regret not doing something.
So with this in mind, I have decided to tell my fears to back off. I have embraced a new boldness that has been hibernating within me for God knows how long. I have decided to do things that I will have wished I would have done ten years from now.
I know that God determines my steps no matter what, but He did give me the ability to reason and the freedom to make choices, so choosing to do things that I wouldn’t normally do, within moral bounds of course, I shall do.
Excitement and anticipation swell in my heart as this renewed sense of joy overwhelms my spirits. I am ready to say goodbye to my regrets and frets and hello to a bright future.