What Marriage Is

dancing

As I have approached my third year of marriage, I find myself surprised that it has only been that long. Our love feels ancient. It feels stretched. Torn. Weathered. At times faded, but in just the right light it blazes with all of its ethereal, ancient beauty.

I met my husband nearly a decade ago, we began dating a couple of years later and were quickly engaged though not quickly married. A three year engagement would drive most people crazy, but it was perfect for us.

Once we were married, I finally felt like I was home. Our lives folded beautifully together. We got a little house, a little cat, then a little struggle.

My health was not the best. His grandfather died. I went through a huge transition at work. We got pregnant. That was year one.

Year two brought more growth. I quit my job.  We had a new baby. We were submersed in postpartum life and all its unpredictable glory. My grandpa died.

The third year was strained. How do you take care of an ever changing baby? I still don’t know. I started a business. Constant baby talk can make you no talk so good to each other. I got really, really sick. My beloved grandmother died. Oh, and surprise, I’m pregnant again.

Somehow through all of that and the in between that I left out, we managed to hold it together. We still love each other. I dare say we love each other more today than we did two weeks ago.

That’s because marriage is hard. It’s not for the weak of heart. It’s for warriors. Two people fighting for the same cause. Those who do not quit no matter how many times they want to slam open the door and run like hell. It’s for those who say no to other things they find a little more attractive in a fleeting moment.

Marriage is laughing so hard at something that other people would probably find gross or disturbing. It’s safe. It’s even fun. It’s inside jokes, and knowing looks that need no words.

Marriage is going to the grocery store late at night because your pregnant wife needs anything and everything that you do not have in the comfort of your own home.

It’s listening to the same old stories and knowing the inflection and hand gestures that go with them.

Marriage is taking it slow, even for only five minutes because you just realized you haven’t hugged all day in a couple of days.

It is admitting what is wrong and determining to fix it. It is raw, unedited, and pure.

Marriage is holding your sobbing wife behind closed doors when she just can’t.

Marriage is teamwork. You got the dishes, I’ll fold the laundry. You watch the baby, I’ll mow the lawn. It blossoms in the mundane.

Marriage is doing the boring stuff: chores, bills, budgets, making a living. It is planning, home-making, life building.

It is doing something for the other person just because you think they’d like it. It’s giving without always taking, encouraging, and supporting.

Marriage is footsy in bed because you better not think about anything else. It’s learning the difference between quality love making verses quantity and knowing that a little quantity isn’t bad either.

It is hand holding, back rubbing, distant winking, seeing someone attractive across the room and having this sensational realization that, “Hey, they’re with me.”It is random romance. It is passionate. It is intimate, vulnerable, and sacred.

Marriage is Friday night snuggles because there is no place else you’d rather be.

It is trusting, being kind, finding ways to overlook idiosyncrasies.

It is humbling, inspiring, and at times overwhelming.

Marriage is a worthy challenge because every part of you is invaluable to me. Marriage is an honor, a gift, happiness, and fulfilling.

It’s I love you, now and forever not because of this overwhelming feeling or desire I have right now but because I promised to.

Marriage is having the flame go out only to quickly stoke the flame to light it up again.

It is commitment. It is sharing, care-taking, compromise, you give 100% and I will too.

It is forgiving, letting go, fighting hard while choosing your battles.

Marriage is taking care of yourself so that you can better serve the other. It is mutual respect, sacrifice, learning to be selfless.

It is allowing the other to have the space they need to regroup, unwind, and recharge.

It is having a partner, a friend, and ally, and I am so glad you are on my side. Marriage is family.

Marriage is many wonderful and intimidating things, and it’s so much more than this little summary.

My marriage is basically a toddler though our relationship as a whole will soon be preparing for middle school. I only know a very little, and I bask in the wisdom of the marriage elders who have been at it for decades. This little nugget is just what I’ve learned so far, and I look forward to learning so much more.

Here’s to 33+33 more! Cheers, my dear! You are a most cherished blessing.

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Pregnancy:The Sequel (15 weeks)

15 weeks

 

How far along? 15 weeks

Maternity clothes? Not this photo. Obviously I’m wearing sweatpants though that I bought when I was pregnant last time.

Stretch marks? …

Sleep: Still popping the night time melatonin.

Best moment this week: Starting a new job.

Miss Anything?: Clear skin. Coffee.

Movement: SO MUCH.

This week I’ve felt a bit more sunny than usual. I attribute it to the stretch of warmish days we’ve had. Being able to actually go outside and play with big sister makes me feel much, much better.

My hip has been bothering me a lot this week, and it has made it very difficult for me to be active. The heavier big sister gets, and the larger my belly gets, the harder it becomes on me to lift her, and this really depresses me. She’s so active, and I want to be able to keep up with her.

Everyday this week I’ve had to slice up some potatoes and either pan fry them in olive oil or bake them and smother them in ketchup. I like ketchup OK, but this has been in excess. Also, every afternoon without fail, I have wanted a PB sandwich (yuck, no J) with a small glass of milk. These are pretty easy to manage.

I started a new job this week which is a huge blessing. The job that I’ve been doing for the last several months has been great, and I still do it, I just can’t do it as much. It requires a lot of lifting and preparation that my little body just can’t handle right now. My new job requires me sitting in front of my computer screen. I could do that on bed rest.

Even though I’ve felt a little more energetic this week, I’m still mostly exhausted. This pregnancy has been more challenging on my mind and body than the last, and at the end of the day I’m too tired to sleep. I usually have to take a melatonin to settle down. I’m getting a new all natural sleep aid in the mail this week that contains vegan melatonin, valerian root, chamomile, and a few other sleep encouraging herbs. Hopefully this will help.

My sweet husband has been so kind to rub my back and hip every single night, and I imagine this will be a routine that lasts throughout the remainder of this pregnancy.

There’s only 25 weeks left in this pregnancy and just over 2 before I get to find out if new baby is a boy or girl.

Life with a 1.5 year old

My dear sweet 18 month old,

You’re so big! 33.75″ and 25.5lbs to be exact. You constantly keep me entertained with your hilarious antics.

Yesterday I asked what it was like being you, to which you replied “Cool.”

When daddy tells you that he loves you you say “I know.”

When “Melmo” is on the TV singing and dancing, you are on the floor singing and dancing.

Your giggle resonates throughout the entire house, as does your shrill screams during what I call “yelling practice.”

You do yoga with me, and can identify the majority of your body parts.

You can identify the numbers “2” and “8” which I attribute to the countless hours of Sesame Street we watch, and you’re pretty good at using the few signs that I taught you when you were much younger.

You know so many words and phrases. My favorites are “peeeze,” “Chank you,” “Out Guh-guh,” and “Night-night.” Who am I kidding, everything you say is my favorite.

You say the word “shirt” without the pronouncing the letter “r,” and this makes for many interesting stares when we’re out shopping and you exclaim your excitement over and over again over the sleeved garment.

You saw a picture of your daddy the other day and said “Dada, cuute.”

You love playing outside, and yesterday you survived your first wild animal attack. A duck bit you on the hand, you didn’t cry, rather you picked up and stick and shook it and bellowed “NO GUCK.” I’m glad to see that you can handle things yourself.

You are growing so beautifully and way too quickly. You’re going to be the best big sister, I just know it. You take the baby’s ultrasound picture, point at it and say “baby,” and then you kiss it. I melt.

You’re a very picky eater, but you do love pasta and marinara meat sauce, mac n’cheese, CRACKers, and sometimes the occasional fruit pack. Your daddy and I hide your fruits and veggies in the things that you do eat such as grated carrots in your mac n’cheese, various fruits and veggies in our morning smoothies and what not so you’re somehow getting what you need and growing so rapidly we can’t keep up.

Keep shining your sweet light. You are joy to all who know you. I wish I could be as funny and charming as you are. I love you forever.

Pregnancy: The Sequel(14 weeks)

14weeks

How far along? 14 weeks HELLO 2ND TRIMESTER!!!

Maternity clothes? Pants not shirt.

Stretch marks? …

Sleep: Night time anxiety so not so well.

Best moment this week: When big sister sits on my lap, new baby flutters like crazy.

Miss Anything?: Clear skin.

Movement: Yup

So last week’s energy was a fluke. I’ve been so exhausted this week. I’ve also been wanting soda. I don’t drink soda. Ever. So I’ve really been into San Pellegrino’s Limonata’s. However, if I drink them in the evening, I get horrendous heart burn. I learned a trick from a friend about heartburn that I wish I knew last time. It’s really simple. When I get heartburn, I eat a pickle and it goes away. BOOM. If you get anything from this post preggy friends, pickles kick heartburn’s booty because they neutralize the acid in your stomach. Last night I had to eat two to get it to fully work but IT DID. I went through several bottles of Tums during my last pregnancy, but now I will go through several jars of pickles and not have to keep eating them every couple of hours.

 

Pregnancy: The Sequel (13 Weeks)

13 weeks

 

How far along? 13 weeks

Maternity clothes? I’m wearing my beloved H&M maternity treggings. I don’t think I’ll fuss with pants that don’t have an elastic waist band ever again in my whole life. I’m still not wearing maternity shirts because most of the ones I have and most of the ones I’ve seen in the store recently are just ugly.

Stretch marks? Ask me in 10 weeks.

Sleep: Still popping melatonin every night.

Best moment this week: Hearing sweet baby’s 160bpm heartrate.

Miss Anything?: Wine. Soft Cheese. Hummus (this baby hates it).

Movement: YEP.

I’ve had lots of energy this week which has been nice. It must be because I’m heading straight into my 2nd trimester! whoohoo.

I’m feeling like I’m not really giving as much attention to this pregnancy as I did last time. I suppose that’s just what happens when baby number 2 comes around.

Pregnancy: The Sequel(12 Weeks)

12 weeks

How far along? 12 weeks

Maternity clothes? I’m wearing my new H&M maternity treggings which I will continue to wear postpartum and forever after because they are comfy AND cute. I bought another pair in a lighter shade, and I’ve been wearing them interchangeably for days. I figured I should wash them which left me with ugly maternity pants, yoga pants, or my old pre-baby jeans. I decided since winter has decided to arrive I needed something more than my beloved yoga pants so I reluctantly wore my normal jeans which much to my surprise still fit.

Stretch marks? My belly has barely popped so….

Sleep: Pregsomnia continues…

Best moment this week: Lot’s of big sister snuggles. She’s getting a mouthful of teeth, so she’s been super cuddly.

Miss Anything?: No so much.

Movement: A little flutter here and there. You CAN feel your baby before 13 weeks and NO it’s not gas.

I’m falling a little behind trying to keep up with this pregnancy. It’s hard because unlike last time, Monday soon becomes Friday without me even realizing it. I think that comes from the fact that I’m a SAHM who works for herself. I never know what day it is unless my husband is home, then I know it must be the weekend.

Here’s to a year of happy baby moments! Cheers!

I Resolve 2015

The first day of the year typically garners an “I Resolve” post from yours truly. I’ll break down a list of resolutions, typically compartmentalized into different areas of my life. Similar to most people, I fail miserably at even remembering what I resolved to do let alone actually bringing them to fruition. So this year I’m keeping it simple.

I resolve to be joyful.

I’m a realist with anxiety issues who is jacked up on an influx of pregnancy hormones, so being joyful is not one of my fortes. However, since I became a mother, I have learned a great deal about joy and its incredible healing powers.

So this year, I will be joyful.

If there is something in my life that becomes a joy thief, I will try to fix it or it will be removed all together. Period. This life is far to short, and the things that rob me of feeling joyful will have very little meaning in the grand scheme of eternity.

So there is my resolution. I hope your new year is filled with joy and love and that 2015 is everything your heart desires.